


Finding Gravity

by Tate_mae



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Comfort/Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Kise Ryouta-centric, Mentioned Aomine Daiki, Pilot Kise Ryouta, Romance, Romantic Angst, Romantic Fluff, Unrequited Love, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-20
Updated: 2017-07-20
Packaged: 2018-12-04 12:20:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11555091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tate_mae/pseuds/Tate_mae
Summary: After twelve years since he graduated from high school, Kise agreed to be interviewed by Zunon Boy between his daunting career as a pilot and life that seemed to float aimlessly. He first expected it to be a temporary visit before he went back to his clouds of mind, but the gravity was stronger than he could ever imagine.





	1. Finding Gravity - 01

**Author's Note:**

> I also posted this story in fanfiction.net under the pseudonym "tatemae".

FINDING GRAVITY

(Ch.01)

* * *

 

_It’s been years, huh?_

He silently thought with a thin smile playing on his face. His long, slender legs tentatively walked past the double door only to earn immediate stares of awe and surprise. His broad shoulders slightly trembled when he chuckled to himself as his minds recalling his high-school memories spent in the studio.

“Kise-kun! How have you been?!” a sharp but friendly voice called before pulling him into an enthusiastic hug. The man adjusted his red-rimmed glasses whilst throwing a sharp look to the staffs who were still in trance. “What are you guys doing? Get back to work.”

“Well, I think it’s safe to say that I didn’t completely lost my charms.” He joked with sly smile playing on his face.

“Some of them are still new so it’s quite a thrill for them to finally work with famous people. And I must agree, yes, you _are indeed_ charming Kise-kun.”

“Famous? How much of a fame could a commercial pilot get? I’m sure Tokyo has abundant amount of public figures on its disposal.”

“Oh come on, what could be better than a recap of your glorious moments?” he joyfully clapped his hands. His voice raised an octave higher. “Besides, your current uniform will surely attract more attentions than your basketball jersey.”

“That uniform is earned with efforts, show some respects will ya?” Kise playfully nudged him on the ribs, earning another shrilly giggles from the older male.

“So, Kouki-san, where’s Miss Kenjo? Is she no longer handling the wardrobe department?”

“It’s _Mrs Kenjo_ now, she’s still in charge, but she’s taking a maternity leave. She’s five months pregnant and last time I heard she’s carrying a twins.”

“Send her my regards will you?”

“Surely will. Now, this is your waiting room. My assistant will be here in a moment to do the interview―”

It was only a matter of second before the cardboard glass flew mid-air and spilled the content all over the shrieking head editor. What used-to-be his floral pink shirt was adorned with extra brown blotch on the chest. His manicured fingers flailed in the air as a high-pitched scream escaped his mouth.

“Oh my God~!” he sharply wailed, causing the young lady to flinch and bowed down while chanting her apologies repeatedly. “This has been the third shirt for today!”

Kise raised an eyebrow at the sudden outburst. Half-amused half-irritated. Why on earth they hired her if she’s so clumsy to spill coffee to a same person three times in a day? And goodness... don’t get him started with what she’s wearing. A brown cardigan? A flare skirt with Paisley print? Where did she get those pairs of hideous boots?

“Keep your explanations for later.” He pushed his glasses up with his pinkie finger, not forgetting to flash Kise a sheepish smile. “Pardon me for the intrusion, Kise-kun, she’s still new here.”

“She’s not the stylist isn’t she?” he asked without sparing her a glance.

“She’s going to interview you for this article and she’s capable enough for that.” Kouki let out a nervous chuckle before dashing out from the room, ignoring Kise’s attempt at asking more questions.

Kise blew his cheeks off and asked her to take a seat with him. He could tell that she was feeling awkward enough with her flimsy entrance thus he decided not to probe her further and turned the interview into a nightmare.

“So, how long has it been since you join the magazine?”

“I was here since last two months for internship and I recently accepted as Kouki-san’s assistant.”

Kise couldn’t help but to raise another questioning eyebrow. “Internship? You don’t seem old enough for college.” _Except for the clothes she wore. They look like something she had stolen from her grandmother’s closet._ Kise silently added to himself.

“But I am. I’ll be on my second year next fall.”

“Kouki-san must be joking.” Kise blankly said. “Is he really letting a high-school graduate write an article for him after two-months?”

“It’s quite the same as why Kouki-san let you model for him when you were still in junior-high, Kise-san.”

In usual case, she would be deemed as impolite for stating something like that, but Kise was distraught―if not embarrassed―to hear such a strong reply. She was having a wonderful point there. He was in her position once, and he was also inexperienced back there. So who is he to question her capability?

“Did I offend you?”

“If you don’t mind, can we start the interview now?”

Kise stifled a smile and followed suit when she opened her book and proceeded with the questions. Not only did she make him swallowed his own judgments, she smoothly showcasing her professionalism through her keen questions and detailed manners. He already regretted his bitter attitude towards her few minutes ago.

The time spent for the interview was fleeting, to put it short, since neither Kise nor her were prepared to stop their talks once Kouki came with the makeup artist. She immediately bowed down in apologies and without waiting for Kise nor Kouki’s response, she excused herself.

“How was it going?” Kouki sat down on the empty seat beside him.

“She has a unique sense of approach. Her questions are thoughtful and contemplative; it’s clear she has done some background research beforehand.” Kise admitted.

“She’s lacking entertainment wits I think, and as you can see, she’s still lacking much in keeping her appearance as a fashion journalist.” Kouki sighed, uncertainty was evident in his voice. “I mean, we’re fashion magazine. We sell looks, lifestyle, entertainment, and we spice things up. If she wants to do some serious writing without being burdened by outfit rules, I can recommend her to one of those big newspapers.”

“That’s refreshing, I suppose. At least she’s not going to objectify her subject or sticking her nose too far in someone else’s privacy. In my case, I’m relieved that she won’t address me as ‘pretty guy” or ‘sexy pilot’ or any other cringe-worthy titles.”

Kise stared at his smiling reflection in the mirror. His short blonde hair was styled into a chic, tousled look. His eyebrows were trimmed and outlined and he had a natural makeup. He wore a standard pilot uniform which consisted of white short-sleeved shirt, navy blue epauleted jacket, and a pair of black pants. Aside from the absence of his piercing and the mature aura he emanated, he looked as youthful as ever.

“That’s quite a shocking thing to hear from you, Kise-kun.” Kouki said, brushing his pants off when he stood up from his seat. The said man only gave him a faint smirk.

 

*******

 

“Haruna-chan~” Kouki’s shrill tone contrasted well with the sharp knocks of his Oxford at the wooden floor under. His manicured finger pushed his red glasses up, whilst the other hand waved a piece of neatly wrapped magazine in front of the dark-haired girl’s cubicle. “You’ll go home at eight, right?”

“Yes, and please Kouki-san, I’m not staying up late in the office.”

“Oh dear, no, I’m not asking you to stay longer. Nu-uh.” He swayed his index finger from right to left, his shrilly laughter echoing throughout the busy office. “In fact, I can allow you to go home sooner.”

“What is it that you want me to do?” she stood up and sling her tote bag around her shoulder. The brown faux leather immediately caused a clash with her yellow cardigan and A-line floral skirt. Her tone was suspicious but the glints in her eyes betrayed her bitter response.

“I need this magazine delivered to a client in Café Aegis. The address is written there, the place is quite popular these days, so it’s a piece of cake.”

“Uh, to which client, precisely?”

“You’ll find out eventually. Now, hop off, the cab is already waiting downstairs.” Kouki clapped his hands excitedly whilst pulling her hand and led her to the elevator.

“Can’t thank you enough, Kouki-san.”

“Mm-hmm. I know, darling, _I really do_.” She cursed under her breath when he flashed her a saccharine smile, as if the sarcastic tone wasn’t enough, once she stepped in to the empty elevator.

“Oh dear, wait a minute! Hold on! Oh Goodness~!”

“Yes, Kouki-san? Did you forget something?” Haruna replied with tired voice.

“This silly girl! Are you really leaving to Café Aegis with those clothes on?” he flailed, a sheer exasperation was all over his pale face. “Come with me for a moment! Let’s borrow some Armani coat and heels to cover them!”

 “At least I’m having a clothes on.” A smug expression was intact on her face once she pressed the button and ignored Kouki’s shrilly cries that begged her to come back to replace her outfit with Versace dress.

But unfortunately, karma is a bitch. And it is impossibly fast in handling its job.

Haruna was banned from entering by the bodyguard before she could even touch the door handle. He gave her a criticizing look and a wary gesture until she showed her the employee ID card and memo existed on the magazine wrapper. She was mentally cussing and tried her best not to spat profanities here and there to the judging eyes that followed her up to the second level where the private lounge located.

When she thinks she’ll soon be freed from her troubles after being led to the said room by another bodyguard, she made a mental note to make Kouki regretted his decision to ask her to deliver the magazine. She clumsily knocked and opened the door immediately after hearing a husky respond from the inside. What was behind the door was utterly mesmerizing―if not intimidating―for a woman as young as her.

The room was elegant with sparkling marble floors and ivory walls, modern-looking lamps hung only few meters away from the sleek, giant glass table surrounded by white sofas in the middle of the room. Arrays of wine, cheese, fruits, and savoury snacks adorned the table rather lavishly, giving a sleek finish to the already tantalizing interior. Apparently, the said client was in the middle of a small gathering with his friends.

She reckoned one of them as Murasakibara, the owner of Café Aegis himself who looked as stuffy as the half-empty box of expensive chocolate on his lap. The other was familiar, somehow, but she couldn’t see him clearly due to his discreet outfit―black leather jacket, black mask, and black baseball cap pulled down to cover his eyes. Even so, his whole appearance exuding pride and dominance.

“Did they really let you in with that outfit?” The infamous Kise Ryōta was as laid-back and as handsome as usual in black shirt and slim-fit denim when he finally opened his mouth. Even after a month, his annoying bluntness still caused a bad impact to her temper.

“Pardon me?” She fixed her stance immediately. Her voice depleted and she suddenly grew conscious with her appearance.

“No, never mind. Forget what I just said.” He shook his head in emphasis.

“Um, well, Kouki-san asked me to deliver this. For you, I guess.” She put the magazine on the table and clasped her hands in front of her body. “So, um, I’ll take my leave now.”

“Wait a minute. Why don’t you have a drink or two before leaving? You’ve came all this way to deliver the magazine after all.”

_As if I can drink with such a two-faced jerk._

She fisted her hands tight until her knuckles whitened. Only devil knows how much she wanted to rip that damned mouth off his pretty face.

“Thank you for your offer. But I still have something else to do. Good night Kise-san.”

She turned on her heels and marched out after giving a brief bow to three of them. Even so, the blond man still had a dumbstruck expression as he stared at the magazine that felt heavy and sleek against his palms. Murasakibara didn’t bother to question as his attentions already returned to his box of chocolate.

 “That wasn’t very nice of you, Kise.” Aomine said after he removed his cap and his mask. His long fingers delved into his dark blue spikes as he rearranged the messy locks rather effortlessly.

“I have no intentions to make her uncomfortable. But how she dresses make me irritated.” Kise took a sip of his Grey Goose Vodka, eyes staring at the door she just slammed. “She works in a fashion magazine, for God’s sake!”

“But it’s none of your business, don’t you think?” He responded gruffly.

“Since when you became this sensible to such matters, Mine-chin?” Murasakibara piped in, his voice was muffled by the sweets he just shoved in.

“He’s going to have a baby girl soon, why else do you think he would become so attentive to girls in general?”

“Ah right...” Murasakibara noted. “How can I forget when it’s been reported everywhere these days?”

“That’s world-class basketball champion for you.”

“Shut up you morons.” He smirked, taking a small sip of his Bourbon. “This is the reason why you two remain single until now.”

“I hate it when you put it that way Mine-chin.” Murasakibara immediately said, his tone was flat with a slightest hint of annoyance. “Let’s talk about that girl from the magazine instead. Do you dislike her, Kise-chin?”

“I don’t dislike her. I just find her lack of fashion-sense unpleasant.”

“Why does it bother you so much?”

“Because it’s such a pain in the eyes!” Kise whined, popping some cheeses into his mouth.

“Then why don’t you do something about it?”

Aomine nearly spat his drink out. “What the hell are you trying to imply?!”

“Nothing. I just feel like saying so since Kise-chin seems very bothered.” Murasakibara’s voice was lathered with indifference.

“Wouldn’t it help more if you can stop being so judgemental?” Aomine snickered, taking another sip of his drink and throwing a knowing look to Kise who was already pouting. “It’s not like she’s dressing up for you or anything. And after what you did to her, she probably has your name on her top list of most-annoying people.”

 “Since when you’ve become an expert at making someone feels miserable over trivial things?” Kise groaned, pouring himself another glass of Grey Goose.

Aomine shrugged. “It’s something you’ll naturally learn once you get married.”

Few weeks after, Kise found himself sitting in a cosy coffee-shop with a half-empty cup of latte and the magazine she delivered that night. His eyes aloofly skimmed through the pages before returning to his article. A writing that she skilfully penned with much sensibility and fervour.

_...Kise Ryōta defines his aviation career as an ‘inexplicable experience’ and ‘a feeling that only exists upon his ventures to the vast sky filled with uncertainty’. In the age of 29, this young pilot is crafting his way to the top whilst catching up with his friends and collecting wines. Upon asked about why he no longer active as a model, he jokingly stated that ‘This face is not going to last forever, so I might as well give chance to those newcomers. I’m honoured, really, but we’re all aware that I spend most of my times flying, so doing gigs on earth sounds a bit foreign lately.’ When I was jotting this conversation, I can’t help but to wonder, has our magazine charm him enough to squeeze a bit of his time to take a break from the cockpit?_

_‘Of course. I used to think that I’ll continue modelling for few years after I graduated from high-school, but apparently, life has another plan for me, so I shocked quiet amount of people with that sudden change of career path. Aside that, this magazine has been one of my most treasured memories, so I think this interview is a good opportunity for me to embrace the new sides of me. Including the nostalgic one…’_

He drummed his fingers upon the glossy surface, eyes recapturing every single word into his mind, wondering how such writing could connect so deep with him. He recalled the interview, the session that was so light and temporary, as if time quickened it pace at their meetings. A small laugh erupted from his lips, unknowingly, at the thoughts of her clumsiness and those damned skirts she wore.

She had a wonderful posture with lovely figure that didn’t go past his keen eyes despite how sloppy her outfit was. Even that hideous Paisley skirt wasn’t enough to conceal her long legs―so perfect they could probably make models stare with envy. And that messy bun she donned upon delivering the magazine? Well, he won’t deny that he _did_ wonder how her hair would look like once it was untied.

“Damn it.” He cussed under his breath and frustratingly ran his fingers through his blonde hair. The creases between his eyebrows grew narrower as he tried to convince himself about his intent at inviting her for a coffee. Kise couldn’t get rid of Murasakibara and Aomine’s words from that night and his feet completely betraying his sanity the moment he purchased the signature Valentino little-black dress few days ago at his transit in New York. The idea of buying a dress as an accompaniment for apology was indeed too much, but again, not giving her anything at all would be too degrading for a man with such extravagant taste as him.

“Forgive me I’m late.”

“No, of course not. I haven’t been here long―” his words were barely a whisper as soon as she came into his view. He was surprised for a moment, but he immediately straightened up and beckoned for the waiter to take her order. Instead of the lousy work attires, she was wearing a red V-neck with a pair of white jeans and white sneakers that make her legs went a hundred-miles longer. It took him some time to register everything and gained his composure back.

“Um... so what can I help you with?”

She hesitantly begun after a while, eyes boring to the steamy cup of tea in front of her.

 “I have an apology to make.”

“Pardon me?”

“I apologize for every unpleasant thing I said and done to you. Especially when I underestimated your ability at our first meeting. I’ve read the article and it was the best interview I’ve ever experienced so far.” He paused for a while, his amber eyes flickered with honesty and distance once they stare at her. “And also, I apologize for those comments I made regarding your outfits. I was being arrogant and extremely immature back there. So I completely understand if you probably regretted your decision to picture me as a good person _._ ”

An awkward silence befallen once Kise finished with his little speech. Shock was evident on her face as she stumbled on her words. Her cheeks sporting the same colour as her shirt.

“Um... sure... I mean, I was extremely irritated with your arrogance and your comments, but I don’t regret anything I’ve wrote about you.” She fidgeted on her seat, her fingers were intertwined together. Her cheeks reddened and Kise felt his breath stiffened when she awkwardly avoiding his gaze. “And about my outfits, well, Kouki-san also criticizes me a lot, so you shouldn’t bother to feel sorry.”

“I should bother. I was being rude and that’s a very unlikely thing to do. Kouki-san criticize you out of concerns as a boss when I criticize you out of nothing.” He cleared his throat, trying to find the rightest words possible. “And if I can be blunt, why don’t you dress like this more often?”

“Skirt is in the company’s clothing rule.” She honestly stated, albeit still surprised with his sudden sensibility. “But I never really fond of skirts nor dresses to begin with, so I just borrow my mom’s instead.”

 _That explains._ Kise thought to himself.

“Well, consider this your first dress then.”

“I can’t accept this!” She pushed the bag to him, her face was scarlet. “This is too expensive, and I’m not even sure if I have the opportunity to wear it.”

“What if you’re being asked to interview famous people in place like Café Aegis again? Or perhaps writing about a gala or a gathering in five-star hotel?” He narrowed his eyes. “I let it slip because I knew you, but how about those celebrities? Your career might be over just because―”

“Kise-san!” She cut him off. “You can stop, I’ll accept it. Thank you again.”

Kise had a satisfied smile on his face once she put the shopping bag on her lap. “That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

She frowned. “Still... You don’t have to trouble yourself with buying me dress.”

“Why you seem so disinterested in fashion when you’re in the age where girls are usually busy with makeup or shopping?”

“I’ve been busy enough with college and my current job. I don’t detest fashion, but something about it makes me helpless.”

“You sounded a bit like Andrea Sachs.”

“As in ‘Devil Wears Prada’?”

“Exactly. She’s idealistic, smart, and doesn’t really fond of fashion to begin with.”

 “Yes, but you forgot the fact that she eventually dresses better than me and my life isn’t as sterling as hers.”

She put her cup back on the saucer.

“Although she screwed things up in the end?”

“She gained everything back, though. Her dream job, her boyfriend, and her consciousness.”

He laughed, clearly enjoying the occupied look she has on her face.

“What do you think about it? Is it the ideal life... or is it the impossible life?”

“I’m too young to assess that much about life, don’t you think?”

“For a while you don’t sound like you’re nineteen.”

She inwardly blushed when he flashed her a knowing look. “You don’t act like you’re twenty-nine as well.”

“I got carried away. Generally, most young women won’t act as independent as you. And also, they’re usually more stylish.”

“Men your age are usually wiser and won’t be as blunt as you.”

“Not to mention they’re not as handsome as me.” He noted in much sass, earning a spurt of small giggles from the younger female.

“Almost everyone in Tokyo knows that, Kise-san.”

“Not fun. You should at least deny it, you know.”

“I don’t flatter. I tell the truth.”

“I do both.”

“How?”

“For example, a normal college-sophomore shouldn’t be this beautiful.”

His hand supported his chin as he tilted his head to one side and locked their eyes together. Her cheeks altered from pearly pink to burning red and her expression was a mixture of confusion and embarrassment when she pried her eyes off him.

“That’s not funny.”

“Don’t you feel flattered?”

She blinked, digging the grounds of her mind for a sassy retort or smart reply between the rapid punches thrown by her heart. Her vision being overwhelmed with his daunting presence and rich spark of his eyes that mimicked the luscious drip of liquid gold. _What a dangerous person_ , she told herself mentally. All he had to do is making himself feels comfortable, somewhere, and women will flock onto him with their hearts on silver platters. Every inch of his skin, each fibre of his being, the air that surrounded him, all were seduction in disguise.

“You know you’re not obliged to answer that.”

“Can I ask you something personal?”

“If it’s a part of your next editorial, I will not answer it.” He said, amused.

“You said that you’ve been single for ten years...” Haruna proceeded, ignoring the playful timbre he displayed. “Are you completely particular about relationship or simply uncommitted?”

His smile faltered. “Excuse me?”

“Have I gone too far?”

“No, not like that.” He reassuringly said. “I’m just surprised with how bold your question sounded.”

She didn’t say anything. And he too, seemed occupied with his thoughts for a while. His eyes dimmed when they stare past the window near their table. Kise was drowned in past as he tried to assemble the jiffies of his love-life into an appropriate sentence. If he wanted to take a further assessment, those short-lasting affairs were mostly unappealing and could be used as extensive reference of how offending he could be in term of romantic relations.

“Excuse me, I have to answer this.” He softly said as soon as his phone started vibrating. The placating silence was broken once he engaged in the conversation. Kise had an alert look as he took a glimpse of the Baume & Mercier on his wrist before confirming his attendance in a fluent line of English. After the call ended, he motioned for the waiter who then gave his credit card back.

“I wish I can stay a bit longer, but my flight is being rescheduled so―”

“I understand.” She gave him a reassuring smile. “Thank you for everything, Kise-san. I really appreciate what you’ve done today.”

“Let me drive you home?” He asked once they’re outside the coffee shop. The sleek surface of his black Mercedes glistened under afternoon rays.

“I’m sure you’re aware that my apartment is only five minute away when you invited me to this place.”


	2. Finding Gravity - 02

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After twelve years since he graduated from high school, Kise agreed to be interviewed by Zunon Boy between his daunting career as a pilot and life that seemed to float aimlessly. He first expected it to be a temporary visit before he went back to his clouds of mind, but the gravity was stronger than he could ever imagine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also posted this story in fanfiction.net under the pseudonym "tatemae".

FINDING GRAVITY

(Ch. 02)

* * *

 

“Kouki-san, this is too much.” She nervously said, her fingers groggily squeezing the edge of her strapless black-dress. “You said I can go home right after the opening show, so what’s the point of dolling me up like this?”

“For the umpteenth time, shut up and let me beautify you!” Kouki slammed the brush on the table. His eyebrows contoured into deep frown as he concentrated on which colour to choose for her lipstick. “You’re going to attend as _my_ assistant and we have to make sure you look beautiful while you’re helping me with the observation. You are gorgeous, but why you always make yourself look unattractive?”

“But what’s with the makeup? I thought you always stick with ‘less is elegant’?”

“I know, honey, but you still need a right makeup to make that phrase comes true.” He took out a lipstick encased in golden frame. It was Yves Saint Laurent. “Now, part your mouth a bit.”

“So the right makeup for me is crimson lipstick? Wouldn’t it make me look like I’ve recently ate a huge barrel of blood gumbo?” she remarked with a horrified look, making Kouki shook his head rather solemnly.

“Your scepticism at fashion is something you have to fix if you really want to work here. Since you’re still new, I and the others don’t really protest much, but after today you’ll be recognized as one of the main staffs, a position that will surely garner many attentions. Especially when it comes to what you wear.” With a precise movement, he applied a delicate shade on her lips using a small brush. He then brushed a thin layer of shimmers on her cheekbones as the final touch. “Now, now, don’t ruin my masterpiece with that impassive look.”

“I know, I’m sorry.” She sighed. Her reflection in the mirror had a neutral smile when Kouki smoothed down her soft hair, letting the loose curls cascaded down the small of her back. “I’ll do better.”

“Anyway, mind telling me who gave you this Valentino dress?” he wiggled his eyebrows curiously. “A _guy_ friend? A potential boyfriend?”

“It’s not that important, isn’t it?”

“It’s a matter of life and death! You’re not going to meet a man who’ll gift you designers’ items twice!”

Kouki had a pondering look when he rearranged the makeup set. “It’s not Ren from cosmetic department right? I mean, he’s cute but I heard he’s having too much affairs with married woman.”

“Are you sure they won’t make me look like a giant?” she nonchalantly protested, referring to a pair of Yves Saint Laurent four inches stilettos which Kouki borrowed from the fashion department this afternoon. She would be 173 centimetres tall once she put it on.

“How about Hiroya from research team? I heard he’s the CFO’s close relative...” he asked again, ignoring Haruna’s attempt to change the topic. It was clear his curiosity had overcome his main purpose to beautify his assistant. “Haruna-chan~ say something would you…?”

“I don’t even know who they are.” Haruna shook her head as she put one of the shoes on.

Kouki stared at her incredulously, slightly wondering why she was being so tight-lipped about the dress. “Tell me I’m wrong, but… You’re not a kept-woman aren’t you?”

“What the hell?!” she snapped as soon as those words rang in her ears, nearly tripping on her shoes. “Kouki-san!”

“Sorry, sorry, I was just kidding, you know.” He replied, slightly giggling. “Let’s just go downstairs shall we?”

Once they’re seated in the car, Kouki called again in his overly-sweet voice, causing the younger girl to laugh and roll her eyes in amusement.

“Can I make another guess?”

“How persistent.”

“It’s not from Kise-kun, right?”

“What makes you say so?”

“Actually, around two weeks ago, he called me and asked for your address. He said he had to talk to you.” Kouki sighed, “I should have warned you. Did he really come to visit?”

“No, but we met in a café near my house.” Haruna answered, feeling confused in a sudden.

“And what about the dress?”

“He insisted it was a token of his apology for the way he acted before, and well, we talked for a while, and then I went straight home afterward.”

Kouki rubbed his head, his elbow was supported by the armrest. “I only hope your uncle won’t kill me once he found out.”

She frowned. “Did he pay you extra to scare some guys off or something?”

“No, but he asked me to keep an eye on you.”

“And what does it have to do with Kise-san? Are they having any issues?”

“You know how protective he is. He wouldn’t trust me to supervise you if I wasn’t a gay in first place.” Kouki rolled his eyes. “You’re lucky he is in LA right now.”

“You seem to respect Kise-san much when we were doing the photo-shoot, but you suddenly make it sounds like he’s someone I should avoid.”

“I do respect him. He was one of my best talents and he did a wonderful job in the past. But yes, you have to be careful with him. Although he’s a good person, he’s not a man you wanted to get too close with.”

“He did something bad?”

“Nothing serious or illegal, but we don’t want you to get hurt do we?” Kouki set his hands few inches apart in front of his chest, as if trying to measure his thoughts. “As far as I knew him, I’ve never seen him having a stable relationship. He wasn’t a playboy either, but he’s quite a smooth talker if he wants to be and it’s clear he had lots of experience with women.”

“It’s not so surprising, obviously.” She shrugged. “I knew it as well, so you can rest assured. Besides, two weeks ago were the last time I saw him.”

“Oh, darling, did you hear what you just said? You might be a brilliant writer, but deep down, you’re still an innocent young lady.” Kouki said softly, his lips formed a thin line. “Nobody knows what will happen in the future. Two weeks might be long enough, but what if you meet him again in this afternoon’s cocktail? Can you still say the same thing?”

“He was invited?”

“Kaneshiro Sensei favoured him very much. He modelled for his special collections in three consecutive seasons.” Kouki put his index finger on his chin ponderingly. “Chances you meet him again is very big, you know.”

“Why are you suddenly telling me this? Kouki-san… I’m not going to fall in love just because somebody gave me a gift. I think he’s just trying to be friendly after those misunderstandings.’

“I wouldn’t say so if I were you.” Kouki closed his eyes, puckering his lips in process. “Men don’t go around giving Valentino dress for the sake of being friendly. I mean, even in _Pretty Woman_ , Richard Gere only gives Julia Roberts a flower bouquet when he apologized.”

“Then what am I supposed to do? Ask him not to look for me again?” Haruna breathed out, the air felt stiff and heavy. “What if we meet him later? What should I say? Should we go back and change my clothes?”

“Oh no, no, we’re going to be late, so don’t even think about it.” Kouki massaged his temple with his index finger. “Look, I don’t want to draw assumptions nor try to mother you, alright? It’s quite hard to tell, but one thing for sure, you need to know when to back off. You can talk with him, go out with him, but no feelings involved.”

“If it’s a man around my age, will you say the same thing?” she felt bile rising on her throat.

“Oh... that’s not really it, actually.” Kouki carefully assembled the right words, trying his best to explain to her without disrespecting the young man he was so fond of. “Ten years of age difference doesn’t sound so foreign these days, but since it’s Kise we’re talking about, that would only bring more concerns.”

The hotel garden reserved for the cocktail was already crowded when Kouki and Haruna arrived. It’s a special event held by Issei Kaneshiro, one of Tokyo’s great designers, where he’d feature some of his limited items. The magazine was the main reporter and Haruna’s job was to escort Kouki and gathering information for the article. She, of course, favoured the latter idea more. 

“So, any ideas?”

“It depends.” She replied, feeling both relieved and tired after their venture into the so-called world of ‘mingling’. It wasn’t an overstatement to say that it was a miracle she was still able to feel her legs. “We can highlight the show and if possible, adding some perspective from the maestro himself. A bit of philosophical approach won’t hurt you know.”

“Hmm, yes, yes… We can also put his collection in our review page, maybe some tips from his style...” Kouki nodded, slightly adjusting the grey rim of his Armani glasses.

“But… wouldn’t it be too much?”

“Is it? Well then, let’s make article about his limited items instead, throw in some edges here and there so we can have an abundant piece without turning the whole magazine into a Kaneshiro special.” He knowingly said, eyes never left the amassing crowds near the entrance gate. “Hmm… what else?”

“Nothing in the moment.” She looked around, hoping to gain some inspirations from the situation. Her mind littered with tangled ideas and concepts, but all of them had to wait when Kouki cleared his throat and nudging her side with his shoulder.

“What―”

Haruna went tight-lipped the moment she followed Kouki’s eyes. Those amber eyes she knew very well flickered at her direction for a split second before he turned his attention to Kouki.

“Kise-kun! You just arrived?”

She heard him said in his usual shrilly tone. His laughter went an octave higher when he complimented Kise’s suit and fixing the knot of his tie with a trained move.

“No, I just had a talk with Sensei at the backstage.”

“I didn’t get to talk with him much when I just arrived, maybe I should take a sneak peek as well.” Kouki slanted his glass, taking a sip of his Champagne.

“Maybe you should see him after the show.”

“Mm-hmm… So, Kise-kun, where’s your seat?”

“I’m at the second row on the left side. Are we close?”

“Almost. We’ll be at the second on the middle.”

“Should have guessed it.” He laughed. “Anyway, Kouki-san, are you still interested with Urbane Twins?”

“Are they coming?” Kouki’s eyes had a jubilant glint upon replying.

“Yes, and another good news, they’re now working independently after having a dispute with their previous agency. Now is the opportunity to take them under your wings.” Kouki followed Kise’s gaze, which landed on a pair of girl and boy in their sixteen, wearing all-white matching outfit.

“I’ll meet you guys at our seats.” He casually fixed the lapel of his blazer before taking long strides to their direction, ignoring the protesting look sent by his assistant.

 “You look stunning.”

Kise said, taking a better look at her new appearance after Kouki left.

Her lips shared the colour of Maraschino cherry and the strapless black dress accentuated her pure white skin, two of many things that would surely draw immediate attentions. Her beautiful eyes clear and dark, framed in soft brown shades and naturally long lashes. And of course, there was her delicate mile-long legs that looked even more seductive in those stilettos.

The pilot himself was breath-taking, sinful even, with the classic-cut summer suit that hugged his figure fittingly. The unearthly attraction he exuded made the word ‘handsome’ sounded like an understatement.

“You look wonderful as well, Kise-san.” She said whilst avoiding his eyes in tame manner, the same gesture she displayed the day he apologized to her. No matter how many times she did it, his self-control would always waver. “And thank you for the dress... it’s beautiful.”

“I’m glad to hear that.” He handed her a glass of lemon punch and playfully clinking his own glass to hers before she could even refuse. Virile spur of vanilla and ambergris tickled her senses when he stood closer to her side. “Don’t worry, it’s not alcohol.”

“Thank you…”

 “So this is what we’re going to do? Exchanging polite words to each other?” Kise teased, clearly enjoying her timidity. “Where’s that divine sassiness of yours?”

 “I think the situation is too stuffy for me to unleash that _divine sassiness._ ” She retorted with an emphasis, earning an amused smirk.

“Why?”

“It feels weird. And I don’t think I’ll get used to this kind of event.”

“Is this your first time?”

“Not really, I had two last week. Grand opening of a French bistro in Shinjuku and art exhibition in Aoyama.”

“Did he revamp you for those occasions as well?” he chuckled.

“Not as much as tonight.”

“Still, he’s not usually that caring to his assistant or a girl in general.”

“I don’t know… maybe it’s because my uncle asked him to keep an eye on me.”

“Your uncle?” Kise asked, his mind recalling the names of executives in Zunon Boys, but he couldn’t find anyone with surname ‘Haruna’ thus he concluded that it might be an uncle from her mother’s side. “Is it a top secret stuff?”

“I won’t say anything about it if it’s a top secret.” She had a slight smile on her face. “It was a long story, but believe it or not, I didn’t even know he’s an executive until my second month of internship.”

“Why? He never talk about it?”

“He used to stay with me and my parents back in Kyoto until he moved to Tokyo for college. After years, he told us he finally worked in a magazine, but he’s practically living inside his luggage, so we don’t really have time to chat. Now it’s easier for me to meet him, of course.”

“But how did Kouki-san find out?”

“My uncle had a talk with him soon after he officially accepted me as his assistant. I don’t know what they were talking about, but Kouki-san still act the same way he used to be when I was still an intern. The only difference is his nags become more extreme somehow.”

“I see your point, but just you know, special treatment is not available in his principles, so you better believe me when I said he genuinely cares for you.”

Haruna was tacit. She suddenly remembered about what Kouki told her an hour ago, and she wondered if what Kouki said to her about Kise were true after all. On the other hand, though, Kise who stood before her showed not even slightest amount of intimidation, he was kind, gentlemanly, and very pleasant to talk with. Was it only a mask, or it’s just his cheery nature?

“Are you going to stay until the cocktail is over?”

“Thankfully no. I can do as I please after the opening show.”

“You already have a plan?”

“Does going home count?”

Kise grinned. “Will you have a dinner with me then?”

Haruna felt her heart thumped furiously. Why’d he invite her for dinner? What should she say? Kouki was right in first place, she was a teenager at heart, and there’s no way she could predict his motive, especially when he was being such a charmer.

“It’s just a dinner, nothing more, I promise.” He added, sensing her doubts. “I’ll take you home as soon as we finished.”

“Can I think about it first?” she finally said after spending much thoughts on it.

“Don’t let me distract you from the show.” He said with a smile.

“Um, then I have to excuse myself now, I don’t want to keep Kouki-san waiting.”

“Haruna-san?”

She stopped on her tracks, her senses quivered in strange content when he called her name.

“I really hope you will say yes.”

 

*******

 

 

“What do you think? It’s not too exposing or something right?”

“No, no, it perfectly fits me. Although I was a bit sceptic about the size when I first saw it.”

“Funny we had the same thought.”

A waiter came and delivered the appetizers carefully, refilling their empty glasses with water and bowed out with graceful silence. Debussy’s _Claire de Lune_ humming softly in the background, suiting the dim white lights that bathed the classic wooden interior of the bistro. In the onlookers’ eyes, Kise and Haruna looked like a dream couple in the middle of a casual date. The kind which often idealized by many, a façade that went unnoticed by both of them.

“This doesn’t seem like your first time buying woman’s clothes.”

 “I know. But this is the first time I buy something based on estimation.”

“I see…” she trailed. A small smile playing on her lips. 

“No, don’t get me wrong.” His eyes widened. “They were my mom’s and my sisters’.”

“I won’t judge.” She shook her head in amusement.

“How about you?”

“Me?” She put her glass down.

“Is this the first time someone buys you clothes?”

“Aside my parents, yes.”

“You sure you’re not being humble?”

For a split second, she looked hesitant. She then placed her fork down and wiped her lips with a napkin. “No, that’s the truth.”

“You’ve never been in a relationship before? Why?”

“Unlike you, I didn’t stand out much in high school and dating isn’t something that I prioritized. Most of my time were spent for my college preps, if I weren’t taking photographs around the town or writing.”

“I don’t know you’re also into photography.” He said, astonished. “What’s your focus?”

“Anything that interests me, daily occurrence, objects, common stuffs.”

“Are you publicising them somewhere, or it’s simply a hobby?” Kise propped both his hands on the sides of his empty plate as he slightly bent forward.

“I made several contributions for a website,” she hesitantly replied whilst handing him her card. “But don’t expect too much from it.”

“Your name suits you very well, Reika-san.”

Haruna looked up from her lap, stunned by how comfortable he pronounced her first name, how lovely he made it sounded. As if she was listening to a pleasant news, her heart carried a long haul of blissful pulses.

“Forgive me...” Kise said meekly, noticing the change in her expression. “Did I make you feel uncomfortable?”

“No, of course not. I was just a bit surprised...” she bit her lips as she observed him before she hesitantly continued, “I don’t mind if you prefer to address me that way.”

“Then it’d be better if you too, drop the honorific with me, especially when we’re not in a professional situation like this.”

“B-but that’d be impolite.” She stammered, shyly avoiding his gaze again.

“Oh, but I insist.”

The waiter came and served two plates of _confit de canard_ with a carafe of Merlot, saving Haruna from having to answer him. Now that she paid attentions, Chopin’s Nocturne swayed romantically, the tables around them were filled with new customers, and the bistro grew even busier as the nightfall arrived. Seemed like their conversation had warped them to an unknown, secluded space that turned the common reality into an impasse.

“Reika…” He softly called, putting his utensils down in process. “What makes you assume that dating is something I prioritized?”

“To put it blunt, you look like a person with long list of lovers.”

“I thought you’ll have a different perspective about that matter.” He said while pouring another glass of wine. “But I guess it was foolish of me for hoping that people would think the opposite.” He slanted his glass. It dangled gently between his long fingers, as the deep carmine liquid stirred in circular motion. “Since we’re at it, do you still want to hear about your question from before?”

“Why you suddenly bring it up?”

“I wonder why as well.” He gave her a crooked smile, his eyes were dense with serene reluctance. “I’m very aware I shouldn’t talk too much about my private life nor being involved too far with you. We’re so different in many senses. I’m a man, you’re a woman; I’m almost thirty when you’re not even legal to drink alcohol yet; I had experienced lots of affairs while you haven’t had any. But somewhere in between, talking with you feels natural.”

Haruna stared at her fingers. They were trim and bony, with red manicure that matched her lips. It happened for a while until she decided to remain silent, which he took as his sign to continue.

“As far as I can remember, people sees me as a man who enjoys life too much to bother about marriage, but that’s not it. I’d love to get married someday, but I’m not determined enough to mull it over so I prefer to go with the flow instead of desperately looking for a partner.”

“So… are you saying you’re particular about relationship?”

“For someone who works as a columnist for lifestyle magazine, you are too trusting sometimes. Don’t take things literally, or you’ll gain unwanted attentions from dangerous people.”

“I’m not! I’m just trying to keep a neutral response!” her face reddened. For the first time since they met, both finally acted as two persons with ten years of age difference. “It’s your fault for putting it up that way.”

 “What I’m saying is the relationship itself is being particular with me.” He fondly said, tilting his head to the side as he looked straight into her eyes.

“I don’t understand.”

He chuckled, taking the last bite of his food before washing it down with another glass of wine. “And I hope you’d never do, because those kinds of relationship I had gone through would only give you pain and false hopes.”

“How come?”

He blinked, staring at her who silently waited for his answer. Her food was halfway eaten, and her glass of wine stayed untouchable. Rays of amber in his eyes dimmed for a moment, the same look he unconsciously had whenever he reminisced about his past affairs. When he opened his mouth, he was telling a story from long, long ago.

She was a teen-idol, and he was the fresh face in modelling industry. They were paired up for a commercial and when he met her, he almost believed that love at first sight was real. Kise warmed up to her faster than he would to anyone, and he was more than elated to confess upon their third meeting. She was four years older than him, mature enough to handle Kise’s childishness, but not trusting enough to cope up with his immense popularity. After six months trying to compromise with her possessiveness and jealousy, he called it quit.

Kise then attended college, pursuing his decision to be a pilot with full determination. In those years, he casually dated tons of women. From older to younger ones, college-mate to the ones he accidentally met, Japanese to foreigners, he spared them equal amount of attentions, although none of them really interested him. Except for one girl who later became his first love and his most painful history.

A waiter brought desserts and coffee to their table. She took a small bite of the _mille crêpe_ as her thoughts swam through every existing vocabulary in her brain in search of the rightest words possible. “Do you still love her?”

She mentally scolded herself for sounding like a jealous girlfriend, but she can’t help it since it was the only thing she could ever think of. The way his voice softened at the mention of _her_ caused a strange sensation at the pit of Haruna’s throat. And somehow, she was sure that lump would remain until she had heard all of his stories.

“I can’t narrow my feelings down to mere phrases like ‘still love’ or ‘no longer love’. I’ve forgotten some memories and many details became blurred, but whenever I think of her, my heart would hurt a little bit.” He put his cup on the saucer, the timbre of his voice was painfully quiet. Their surroundings replaced with brooding tension. His sherbet had melted, steams of his espresso had died down, and his eyes layered with silver tears. “Even after almost ten years since she died.”


	3. Finding Gravity - 03

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After twelve years since he graduated from high school, Kise agreed to be interviewed by Zunon Boy between his daunting career as a pilot and life that seemed to float aimlessly. He first expected it to be a temporary visit before he went back to his clouds of mind, but the gravity was stronger than he could ever imagine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also posted this story in fanfiction.net under the pseudonym "tatemae".

FINDING GRAVITY

(Ch.03)

* * *

 

 “Falling in love with her was probably the easiest thing I’ve ever done in my life. It happened gradually, tenderly, as if some unknown reason lulling me into her to the point where she’s molded and imprinted in my own self. But I don’t know what her thoughts were nor would she ever told me if I asked.” He placed his cup down after sipping the whole content in one gulp, despite it had lost its warmth. “I wasn’t in a position to ask her anything. I had too many questions, but the words we exchanged were simply about college matters.”

“It was an unrequited love?”

“It’s an impossible love. Rejection was the only memento she’d ever left for me.”

“Maybe she didn’t know how to express her feelings?”

“Or she simply didn’t like me enough.” Kise had a bitter smile on his face. “I won’t lie, alright, I was really irritated by the way she acted and it wasn’t a sweet memory. It was the worst, the most heartbroken, but as you can see, a man is a complete fool when it comes to feelings. I persisted, I used every single knowledge I had about women, thinking that she’d eventually give in, when in reality, she’s never meant to be mine, not even for a minute.”

“What happened to her...?”

“She got involved in an accident when she was on her way to the campus. It was Monday, and the only day where we can share the same class. I waited for her and called her hundredth times, even though they all ended up in mailbox, without knowing a single thing until the obituary was being posted in our campus’s general bulletin the next day. I was absent on her burial, but I did pay her a visit. It was the first and the last time, and I brought her a bouquet of withered flowers. If I think about it now, maybe I shouldn’t have done that in first place.”

“I might have done the same thing if I were you.”

“You don’t think that’s childish, or disrespectful?” Kise shot her a surprised look. His lips cracked into a small smile. “To put it blunt, I think that’d be a great console when it comes to your close ones. Like a situation where you come to their grave and say ‘ _Hey it’s me_. _You know, you’re such a bad person to leave like that, especially without saying goodbye. You broke my heart, and you make me angry. Anyway, I still bring you some flowers. The kind that resembles my feelings since you’re gone.’_ Then, you’ll cry yourself to sleep for next few weeks and when you finally visit the same grave once again, you’ll put a fresh flower bouquet and ask if he/she is having a good time in heaven.”

“I don’t think it’s disrespectful to express your feelings, even if it’s directed to a person who’s no longer alive. Although you just made it sounded even more tragic than it’s supposed to be. Like something you’d find in melodramatic movie about wartime romance or Italian mafia, where they’d condole in elegies and tear-jerking letters or reminiscences.”

“That’s exactly what I meant. It’s more like a mockery to me. A part of me used to wonder that if I make her mad, she’d probably haunt me in my dreams, asking for explanation or even worst, revenge for all disturbances I’ve done. But we know it’d never happened. Well, I guess that’s why people said the first cut hurts the most.”

“I’m sorry to hear that...”

“Why’d you feel sorry all of a sudden? You don’t have to feel sorry for me nor her. It won’t change anything.”

“It’s a common response, I suppose.” She softly replied, slightly avoiding his gaze again. “And if you want to put it that way, holding on to someone who’s already dead won’t change anything either.”

Kise stared at her, amazed at what she just said. No one ever told him so, not even other Generation of Miracles’ members nor his respected ex-captain back there in Kaijo. It was a sentence that everyone else always wanted to tell him, but felt bad to.

“It can’t be helped.” He defended, an uncomfortable pile of feelings stirred at his throat. The lump in his chest swelled even more. “Happiness only lasts briefly while pain could last for a lifetime.”

“Happiness and pain alternate, none of them actually lasts for a lifetime.”

“What’s going on now? Our talk has strayed too far from the main topic.” Kise let out an empty chuckle. Both of them weren’t surprised it sounded bitter and hostile. “I’d rather listen to your sarcastic remarks instead of your philosophical statement about life.”

Haruna licked her lips ponderingly then took a sip of her glass of water. “You’re being a coward, Kise-san.”

“Don’t sass me, Reika...” Kise’s eyebrows reflexively contorted into a frown, he was unprepared for such response.

“Oh, pardon me? I thought you want more of my blunt comments? You avoided my statements because they’re the bitter truth you don’t want to accept. I didn’t mean to pity you, Kise-san, I just regretted that you have to go through a past like that. I don’t go around calling people a coward for feeling at loss or mourning for their loved ones. I call them cowards because they’re too afraid to accept that not all memories should be remembered.”

Kise’s jaw tightened. As he stared into those clear, dark eyes, he felt his heart thumped in both anger and astonishment. Her words had him wrapped around her fingers, as if those plump lips and that ravishing beauty weren’t enough to catch him off-guard in first place. Who to blame then? Haruna and her straight-thinking persona, or Kise and his cowardice heart?

“I’m sorry, Reika, but I can’t answer to that yet.” He cleared his throat and flicked his arm to take a look at his watch. “And it’s very late already, you’ll be busy tomorrow, right? Come, I’ll take you home.”

“I can go home on my own. You just have to say it if you want me to leave.” She uncovered her lap and placed the napkin at the side of her empty plate. She was about to address the waiter when Kise suddenly held her hand and gently guided it down. Kise then motioned at the waiter to come and handed him his credit card, ignoring Haruna who tried to pry her hand off with deep frown plastered at her forehead.

“Please, don’t misunderstand. I don’t mean to dismiss you, but I’m at loss of words because of what you said to me just now. I’m not offended, but I can’t stand this conversation any longer.”

“I know, that’s why I was about to make it easier for you.”

“No, you think you know but you don’t. You’re not making it easier for me, you make me feel like I’ve treated you impolitely. I... I enjoy talking to you, I really do and I told you everything by my own will, but I never thought we’ll get this far.” He sighed, voice latched with anguish and hesitation. “Look, I’ll leave to England next Monday, and I’m not coming back until November. Will you be able to join me for a brunch this Saturday?”

“I’m so sorry, but I have to refuse. I’m very thankful for such wonderful meetings in these last two months, but you’re not obliged to give me any answers nor to meet me every time you’re in Japan.” She said without looking at him straight in the eyes.  “I don’t want to burden you, so if you don’t mind, let’s not take things any further than this. Don’t think about my questions nor everything I’ve said anymore, you can think of it as silly things said by a naïve college student.”

“In the other words, you don’t want to see me anymore? Or do you want me to keep distance with you? Do you know your words can imply that you’re now playing hard to get?” Kise’s jaw tightened. His knuckles whitened when he fisted them at the table. “Tell me, Reika, which one of them you’re currently thinking about?” Kise paused for a while when the waiter returned with Kise’s credit card and table receipt.

“Can you at least tell me what actually happened? You asked me questions, you keep raising my curiosity, and when I started to feel comfortable with you, you said you don’t want to take things further? Few weeks ago you were a simple teenager with refreshing personality. But tonight, although very beautiful, you become the most complicated woman I’ve ever met.”

“I’m not playing anything.”

“Then what?”

Kise stared at her. She stared back for a while before prying her timid gaze off him. Kise felt his throat hitched with amassing awe, and it made him wanted to beat some consciousness out of his own ass for feeling infatuated in such wrong timing.

“Let’s talk about it somewhere else.”

He stood up after minutes of silence, and without waiting for her answer, guiding her out from the bistro to his car. Haruna sat beside him in silence, mimicking a refined statue, except for the sound of her breathing and sweet scent of her perfume which he occasionally sensed. Apple and cinnamon, with a hint of floral base. It was actually an unsuitable choice for nighttime, bit too redolent perhaps, but somehow, it fitted her perfectly.

That night was a typical view of Tokyo that never ceased to amaze him. Lines of vehicles tidily striping the light-bathed highway in the middle of the city, side-by side with crowds of pedestrian that systematically exchange turns to engulf the wide streets with their anecdotal facades. Kise would have enjoyed that kind of metropolitan bits as well, since it gave an extremely different feelings compare to other cities he had visited, but he was too tense and anxious to feel any sorts of nostalgia at that moment.

 Haruna cringed at how cold his figure looked as they pulled off at a vacant park near her apartment. He directed his gaze to the playground near the entrance, clearly avoiding her eyes, as he held the door open for her. Instead of his usual flamboyant and easygoing attitude, he looked domineering, torn, and insecure.

The park was empty. The looming shadows of trees and lampposts occupied half of their visuals as she sat down at the swings not so far from the kid’s playground Kise was seeing few minutes ago. He stood a meter away from her, eyes planted solid on the reddish stone pavement under his shoes. Skies above them were bright with stars. The moon beaming shyly through the ethereal movement of misty clouds.

“I didn’t mean to imply anything.” She said to his back that was hunched rather forlornly. “I didn’t pick my words carefully, so I ended up making you misunderstood. I’m really sorry Kise-san, it’s just that... I don’t want if things become too much too handle.”

“What kind of thing is that? Why’d it be too much too handle? There must be a reason why you’re suddenly being like this.”

She bit her lips. Her heart skipped a beat and it made her throat burned. The world was spinning around her and not a single word of excuse be formed inside her mind even though she wanted nothing but to immediately explain everything to him. Kise was right. What kind of thing is that? Is it Kise’s playboy attitude, the complicated conversation they recently engaged into, or else, was it for her curious tendency regarding his personal life?

“Reika, we’re getting nowhere if you keep being like this. You’re usually fast at making retorts, but now, you’re being so silent and it makes me assuming things.” He sighed. The broads of his back slowly relaxed; a clear sign that his anger slowly diminished. “You can tell me everything, I promise I won’t say anything until you finished.”

“I’m sure you remember that two weeks ago, you apologized and gave me a present...”

“Of course I do... go on...” his voice clear and less demanding than before.

“Well, you know, it was something that will surely make any sane women to feel special, no matter how boyish or ignorant they could be.” She fiddled with the edge of her dress whilst stealing glances to his direction and, after making sure he still facing the other way, slowly composed herself. “After that, I try to convince myself that it was completely a token of apology and those assumptions won’t mean anything since you aren’t staying in Japan and we rarely meet. But after today, I realized those intervals are nothing.

“Then, you asked me to drop the honorifics and you told me things that are downright private, those aren’t things that usually happen between acquaintance, and all I can think of is how to immediately stop it.” Her lips reflexively smiled at the memories of his expression, his chatoyant eyes and the way they twinkled when he met her at the cocktail hours ago.

“I asked you about your past out of curiosity, but it gradually became some kind of way to prevent myself from feeling anything. I used to think that if I know what kind of women you’ve dated, what kind of memories you had when you were with them, I’d be discouraged. I hoped that I’ll find some flaws, or a proof that you’re just an arrogant playboy, but after I heard your stories, I somehow felt relieved that you’re not as bad as you tried to portray yourself to be.”

“Reika―”

“I’m not finished yet.” She abruptly snapped, earning a sheepish chuckle and mumble of apologies from the older man.

“The thing is... I’m afraid that I’ll eventually developing feelings that I shouldn’t feel if I get too involved with you. Even though I had a bad impression to you at first, now I don’t want if those times I can spend with you to end so quickly. I enjoy talking to you too, more than you could ever imagine, but on the other hand, I don’t want to have a bad ending.” She took a breather and closed her eyes tight. When she opened them, he was no longer turning his back against her.

“I don’t want to have an unrequited love. I don’t want to hope for something which I don’t have any chances with.”

“I’m not going to reject you... It’s mutual.”

“No, you will reject me, if not by situations, by your past. You’re still holding on to the pain caused by your first love, you said so yourself. I don’t have any rights to ask you to return my feelings nor to let go of her, but I can ask you to keep distance with me and that’s enough.”

“Reika, you don’t understand. For now, I might be incapable of loving you the way you want me to, but can’t you give me some time? Please, this is very difficult for me as well.” He crouched down in front of her, his hand supported by the metal chain on the side of the swing while the other one trailing the dampness on her left cheek. “I was unprepared for this. But I will try, I will do anything you want me to... just, just don’t ask me to leave...”

She instinctively touched his hair when he laid his head on her shoulder, her fingers delved in between his soft, golden tresses. “Kise-san―”

The silvery metal clanked when he tightened his grip. “Reika... the way you called me sounded too rigid for a relationship as complicated as this.”

“Addressing you like a stranger is the last thing I can do to keep myself contained.”

Her response earned another disappointed sigh. His lungs were strangled with sadness that smelt exactly just like her. “Can’t I change your mind? Is there really no other way?”

“One of us will get hurt in the end.”

“I don’t think there’s a problem in getting hurt again if I can still be with you.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Such a stubborn girl.” His amber eyes flickered at her, they were ablaze between the nightshades. The surface of his orbs sheen with tears, and it looked like he can break anytime soon. “Meet me again then. This Saturday. Let’s meet for the last time and make proper goodbye just like how an acquaintance should.”

“So you can have another past to hold on to? I wonder how you’ll describe me in the future.”

“You’re still sassing me till the end, huh?” He sadly chuckled while fondly staring at her.

“Do you have a better way?”

“I don’t want to hold on to you, because that will give me a reason to let go, but I’d keep you somewhere in my heart, in a place that only reserved for me to see. So even if I fall in love with someone else, you will forever be my secret, my gravity.”

“If that’s so, I think there’s no need for us to meet this Saturday.” She swallowed the growing lump inside her throat to prevent her tears from falling. “You’ve secured a place for me in your life as a secret only for you to take out and remember, why not let that be the last of our conversation, Kise-san?”

“Why don’t you want to see me anymore after today? I only asked for one meeting.”

“I know. But my feelings will waver and what happened tonight will have no meaning if we see each other the next day. I don’t want us to say goodbye as acquaintances.”

“I should make the most of tonight, then.” He bitterly acknowledged as his eyes traveled down to their intertwined fingers. Her hand was so small compare to his. Slender and long, with translucent shades of pink, and there were small scars scattered at the inner lining of her thumb, index, and middle finger. He wondered what kind of pastime activity had caused that. How did she treat and hide them so far? Did she hurt badly?

Suddenly, there were so many things he wanted to know about her. He had been telling her his story in their short encounters, but he never heard any of hers. Never did it crossed his mind that he would hold her hand and had such heartbroken conversation at the park in the middle of the night. He wished he could bring her to travel with him. He wished that their encounter could be stalled, even if it’s just for a moment or two, instead of experiencing everything in one go as their first and last time. Ah, what an irony. Kise would never thought he’d eventually have a sentiment to such smallest of details.

“What kind of memento should I leave for you?”

He gave her a sad smile, his thumbs drawing circles on her pale wrists. “I should have bought a ring and propose to you right here, right now.”

“We’re straying away from the topic, Kise-san.” She replied, a lone trail of tear wetted the slope of her cheek.

Kise took a deep breath as he leaned closer and pressed his forehead against hers.

“Is it okay if I kiss you?”

Timidly, like a butterfly around a newly bloomed petal, she released her hands from his grip and wrapped them around his neck before responding to his question. He welcomed her attempt by nibbling at her bottom lips, tenderly playing with the virgin flesh before slowly savoring the inside of her mouth. Her lips tasted as sweet and as plump as they seemed.

Apple, cinnamon, floral, and salt. Those tastes were the ones her lips allowed and he greedily took them in―as much as he could. The air grew warmer, and even before he realized it, she broke the contact. Her breathing was hot and ragged against his chin, her sweet scent mingled with his, it was somehow felt like she just left a piece of her inside him. A piece that would last for a lifetime, just like what he promised he’d made her be.

When he finally arrived in front of her apartment building, the cracks of his already broken heart crushed into smaller bits of stinging pain. He couldn’t bring himself to stare when she thanked him and bade him goodbye, but he couldn’t allow her to pass by from his view just like that, thus he held her hand when she was about to open the door.

“It’s not tomorrow yet.” She glanced at the digital clock displayed at the small screen of his music player which pointed at 11.52 PM. It soon turned into 11.53 in a blink of an eye. “Just a little bit longer...”

So she stayed.

They sat in silence, counting through each breathing, each whiff of air, and each beat of heart they skipped. It was an unhurried moment. As if time was being kind and allowed their last seven-minutes to be less fleeting than before, to gradually convey all kinds of unspeakable emotions that ran through their pained souls. Their counting stops a minute before the numbers shifted to 12.00 AM, right after the soft roll of his name escaped her lips.

“You don’t have to say anything anymore.” He shut his eyes and clenched the steering wheel harder to stop himself from pulling her into his arms. The look in his eyes were hazier than before; their rays of gold became dull and obscure. His calm breathing faltered and his voice was merely a whisper swallowed by the sound of door being closed.

“Goodbye, Reika.”

**Author's Note:**

> I also posted this story in fanfiction.net under the pseudonym "tatemae".


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